Sunday, 29 April 2007


Looking over human history one gets the impression that we are much more easily persuaded by really stupid ideas than we are by clever ones. The Inquisition, Nazism, Crazy Frog - we leap into these madnesses without reflection. We're really not very bright. We prefer the simplistic notions - the childish ones that grant us immunity from the stricter laws of the universe. We try to opt out of ecology, biology, psychology, gravity -responsibility in general! But however much we might wish to ignore them, the facts are the facts, and they will out. Some of the better ideas thrown up by our unusually perceptive fellows have taken centuries to graft on to our habitual nonsense. Sadly, even the realisation that the Earth goes around the Sun is currently only dimly and reluctantly grasped in some parts of the U.S. (It is hard sometimes to remember that the USA was, initially, intelligently designed.) But in a spirit of optimism that flies in the face of experience, here are some draft pages that point to some sense. Humility before hubris, where possible.

Wednesday, 25 April 2007


An alternative beginning to the diet thang.

It would appear from the google traffic analyser that site traffic has all but dried up. Even from Beijing. It seems everyone who is going to happen upon Throbgoblins has already done so and moved on to higher ground. A terrible silence has descended. I can see tumbleweed drifting eerily across the deserted screen. Vultures flutter in a dead tree. The cartoonist- gasping for water - crawls the last few desperate feet towards a shimmering mirage of a Mr Whippy ice cream van. It melts away. Bolton can be very quiet on a Wednesday.

Saturday, 21 April 2007

CHAIN SMOKING fat bastards

I'm not having a pop at chain smoking fat bastards per se, you understand. Throbgoblins International has no official position on chain-smoking fat bastards, and wouldn't want any chain-smoking fat bastards out there to take unnecessary offence at any inferred anti chain-smoking fat bastard bias on these pages. It's a carbon thing.
Thanks to Marc Hudson, and George Marshall (of for these (amongst many other) ideas. There will be facing pages with numbered facts and links in the print version

Wednesday, 18 April 2007


A lot of people one bumps into are somewhat luke-warm about climate change. I realise and rejoice that we live in a democracy and that we have to respect the wishes and opinions of even the most informationally challenged of our ingrate brethren, but sometimes I'd like to take a more robust approach to the arguement. To this end Cantankerous Frank has been summoned forth into the world to do my vicarious bidding. Frank is not a good man. He is no Saint come to save us from the wickedness that "inexplicably" surrounds us. No - Frank is a miserable old git. Gawd bless'im!

Monday, 16 April 2007


The Christmas Car-oil (Oh dear) Scrooge-spoof Cantankerous Frank is now fully UPDATED on the 13th April post.
Thanks to Graeme Sherriff for his input on this one.

Saturday, 14 April 2007

Remote Control LabRats

I often make the mistake of allowing myself to be drawn into pointless blogospheric pig-wrestling (see Throbgoblins 22/03/07). There are trolls everywhere -snorting narcissists only concerned with the fight itself, never the outcome. It occurs to me that maybe they can't help it. Society has made them this way. They are the hapless, hopeless victims of advertising and over-indulgent parenting - their synapses cauterised by over exposure to lifestyle TV. These poor creatures are left bereft of agency, with only rote-learning and pheremones to guide them.
But why are we not all like that, you ask? If that theory is correct, why are we not knee-deep in rabid, robotic sheep by now? (sic)
I suppose some poor folk just have a genetic predisposition to sticking their heads in the sand and talking through their rectums, which cynical forces in our society take full advantage of. It's tragic, and something should be done.
To this end, on behalf of Throbgoblins International. I have come up with the following rigourously researched, targetted action plan:

Trolls - Ignore them, and they'll go away.

In the meantime, more cartoons.

Friday, 13 April 2007


The story of the conversion of CANTANKEROUS FRANK
I set out determined to be cool and even handed so as not to alienate the driving millions. There appears to have been a Navigational error on the way. Fortuneately none of the driving millions are ever likely to happen this way in order to see it, so there's no need to panic.

By the way. If anyone is out there, I would appreciate some feedback. Anything'll do. I'm not fussy.

Intellectual property rights

Unscrupulous Grabbits all over the planet are busy copyrighting the genomes of staple crops in pursuit of their noble goal of turning our common heritage into a personnal piggy bank. Where they cannot steal existing stuff they are genetically tinkering in order to produce modified, patented, repeat-purchase cash cows.
It seems to us at Throbgoblins International that it is somewhat bonkers to allow a corporation (legally bound to the profit principle at all costs) to control access to basic foodstuffs (remember them?) by having control of their means of reproduction.

Wednesday, 11 April 2007


This is a full posting of the LabRats climate chaos thread. Fairly lengthy and often in poor taste. Comedy is an ugly bugger.

Sunday, 8 April 2007

Temporarily Psychotic LabRat

Whilst in the Easter mood - I thought I'd take this opportunity to alienate the religious community in it's entirety.

Friday, 6 April 2007

An Easter message from Throbgoblins International

The meek shall inherit the earth. Not the most accurate prediction ever made, eh? I would have imagined that innaccuracy in the predictions game would be something of a drawback - for a prophet. But apparently not. The great advantage of religion as a means of social control is that the culturally powerful can simply re-imagine the whole darn thing anytime they like, to suit this week's imperatives. For "meek" read " imperial superpower", and for "inherit" read "seize by overwhelming force of arms".
Jesus and Godot - they're not coming!


The UK government is tabling a discussion document for the UN security council to ponder - on the security implications of catastrophic global climate chaos. Whose tanks do we put on whose lawn - that sort of thing! There's the potential for wide ranging and deep systemic analysis here. But you know how these things go.
You can read it at

Thursday, 5 April 2007

End of civilization

Give me cheeseballs or give me death!

too much to choose from?

It's fantastic isn't it? As many shapes and sizes of the same old tat as you could shake a virtual stick at. Novelty clutter beyond the dreams of avarice. I honestly don't know how I'd cope if I didn't have fourteen different styles of cargo pants to choose from of a morning. How could I start my day without first deciding which of a hundred kinds of monocultured, dried beverage-sweepings I should imbibe, which sugar-coated, reconstituted gloop-clusters I should pour which variation of which genetically modified animal's steroidal, iradiated milk onto, and which one of a million brain-stem-pop stations I should tune into using which ubiquitous, overbearing technology. Choosing is fun. It's what makes us free.
Ok, so my choice may inch globalisation that teensy bit closer to a fairer trade. Fair enough. It may deny some small pennyworth to some large corporation or despotic regime. We can but try. And so we must. But let's be honest about the choice thing, -in most cases It's just a turd of a thousand disguises. Dress it up how you will - cheese string is NOT progress.

Monday, 2 April 2007

more COCKROACH clustering

Here's another one, just like the other one...

Sunday, 1 April 2007


They've been planning it, you know. They're organised.
But seriously - Why travel the world in search of exotic insect borne diseases when you can contract them locally? Coming to a temperate zone near you...soon!